Negotiation | How to get what you deserve & what you want….

One key skill you need to have  in any family relationship is the art of “negotiation.” As I am writing this, my son stopped in & started to barter with me about picking up a pair of new ski googles, going to see a movie and then he threw in “Can we have go out for dinner.” At 14, he has learned many different strategies to help him get what he wants. From birth to adulthood, our quality of life will be determined by our ability to negotiate.


This week’s podcast is with Gary Noesner, he was Chief Hostage Negotiator for the FBI & the author of Stalling for Time. During his career he was involved in numerous crisis incidents: prison riots, right-wing militia standoffs, religious zealot sieges, terrorist embassy takeovers, aircraft hijackings and over 120 overseas kidnapping cases. Gary shared “People seem very curious about my job.”


Whether you want a raise or someone to unload the dishwasher, this all comes down to your negotiation skills. Negotiation originates from the Latin “negotiatus” which means “to carry on business.” In research of 15 countries, English-speaking Canadians use the least aggressive persuasive tactics. French-speaking Canadians fell into the middle of the pack with countries such as, France & Germany. The Harvard Negotiation Project showed successful outcomes were related to the ability of separating people from the problem. 


Gary shared “Good negotiation is about managing yourself, your emotions and not trying to bully the other party. You need to be someone who is adaptable and actively listen to what issues are truly important to the other party. One other reminder is to be patient, good things often come to those that wait, hence the name of my book.”

In the end, I did agree to buy new ski googles for skiing on family day & yes, we did see a movie, but Aidan did have to pay for his own dinner. We both thought it was a fair trade.  What are your thoughts about negotiation? Join the conversation, share your wisdom on our Facebook page.


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Negotiating, along the road with you!  




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